I've recently learned a few things about Puppy II that accelerated my moving on from him, in the sense that I can say that I'm glad that I did not pursue a serious relationship with him, and that my friends' words rang true, that he is not worth my time.

After a stressed-out week, slumbering in the midst of a Signal 3 tropical storm, I get this...

First part had me rushing, walking along a sunny suburban sidewalk. I could guess the time to be around 3~4 in the afternoon in autumn. I'd give it an East Coast residential kind of feel -- quiet, not much traffic. I was clad in a gray light coat, scarf, bag on my shoulder, bringing a small grocery bag with three cups of yogurt, supposedly for my grandmother.

I stopped by a school. It looked like a "young" local private school -- not as old as the established schools, but looked clean and well maintained, with murals by the students, and enough greens (grass, and low, young trees) to rest ones eyes. As I entered the compound, it felt summery, and I was out of my coat and scarf, slinging them over my right arm, with yogurt cups & book bag in my left hand.

One major difference here is that I had long straight hair. Now, I have short hair.

I was welcomed by a woman, about my current age, her hair in a ponytail and she was wearing the school's prescribed gym uniform -- dark blue sweatpants, white t-shirt with dark blue pipings around the neck and sleeves, with the school's circular emblem at the center of the shirt. She had a nice, round face, though she looked distraught.

Dream Knowledge coined her as the daughter of the school's owner/founder. According the Dream Knowledge, that said owner/founder is fond of sports, soccer the most.

As of the school, Dream Knowledge only let me on so much: that it was a "growing school", mostly primary and elementary school children. As I entered the discreet gate, if I went to my left, I would be lead to the classrooms. I saw some boys running around as it was their morning break time. At the corner of that particular field of vision, I saw Puppy II, crossed-dressed as a woman (one of the teachers, maybe?) playing catch with the students, talking and laughing as if he were never a man in the first place (what made me very uneasy was that he still had the same face. >_>)

The young woman lead me to the right side of the school, where a covered court was, and some students were having wall-climbing as their sports class. It would seem that they wanted me to be part of their faculty, but they wanted me to stay the night at the Teacher's Quarters.

There, I saw my old highschool friend, Gen. She was a gym instructor in the school and the emblem on her lavender ensemble was that of an orchid. She seemed sad and frustrated that she doesn't get enough support from the school to carry out her ideal activities -- what they are, I don't know.

Going around the "patio" just outside the "back door" of the Teacher's Quarter's, I was introduced to the school's founder/owner -- a portly old man in gym clothes. I was prattling on and on about how I glad I was to be considered a position in his faculty roster, and that I like sports thought am not an avid practitioner, etc. He was ignoring me all the while. =P

These Teacher's Quarters may be quite near the gym, but it was surprisingly quiet. The door we entered lead straight to the kitchen/pantry. To my right was the sink and counter where I deposited my yogurt cups, thinking that I would get them to my grandmother's in the evening.

There was a small table in the pantry. Going further in, there are two doors -- to the left and to the front. Out that last door, came Puppy II -- this time, dressed in a white shirt and gray cargo pants, looking, I must say, very manly. He moved and talked in the usual "manly" manner that I knew him to be. I asked him about the "woman" who looked uncannily like him at the school's courtyard. In my head, I was thinking kage bunshin (ref here) and I was wondering how he could keep it up. He said "she" was his lover. I didn't inquire further.

Fast forward to the evening, when the rest of the school was asleep. It would seem that I've scrapped the idea of bringing the yogurt to my grandmother. I was in the kitchen, white spaghetti-strap tank top and boy-shorts under a robe, whipping up a batch of crèpes. As I've already gotten down to mixing the milk and eggs, Puppy II, clad in a white wife beater and boxer shorts.

I didn't need my Subconscious to play me as I knew that he looked HOT.

I brought some of my utensils to the sink as the counter was getting messy. He helped me clean the dishes (similar to this one). "Don't bother," I said. "Doesn't matter," he says, "I'm here anyways so..." we washed dishes "joined at the hip." Literally.

Flash forward to the morning where I was in front of a dressing mirror, putting on a black collared dress (kinda looks like a one-piece suit), letting a bit of the lace of my satin undergarment peek out of the décolletage -- it was my first day of teaching in the school. My subject? "International Relations"

I think this is being mashed with my dream of becoming a diplomat, and/or working in the United Nations. I mean, how can you teach "international relations" as a subject to 6th graders??

As I walked out of the Teachers' Quarters, flashbacks of "last night" came into my head...

---------- NAUGHTY STUFF AHEAD!! Skip if you must! ----------

He was against the wall*, and I he held me against him. I don't know however if I was the one who "pushed" him, or if he "pulled" me. Either way, neither of us were complaining. We weren't kissing, just lips brushing against exposed skin. Pan to a 3rd person view, in came another Puppy II! This time, in a white t-shirt but also in boxers. Dream Knowledge implied that one of them is the morning "cross-dresser", more likely the one behind me. Things got naughty as my persona (note that I was seeing things 3rd person) was getting dry-humped front and back.

---------- END OF NAUGHTY STUFF WARNING!! ----------

[Reminded me of this.]

End flashback.

I walked forward and my dream ended.

Needless to say, the "revelation" I got was that Puppy II is homosexual -- but not everyone knows, and he has not gone public about it. I was glad that I knew when I was resolved to getting over him.

I think this dream may reflect a very deep and unsatisfied desire -- lust. Just like any well-mannered professional, I keep my "cravings" in check, but I haven't been very open about that particular desire for him, when I was still pining for him. When friends tease me about him, dirty jokes galore, I would self-righteously say, "Come on, not like that, please." But no -- I am human. And I have to acknowledge and accept, for myself, the things I truly feel, before I can say that I have completely moved on.

Labels: autumn, dishes, kitchen, school, summer, teacher, xx

With this dream, I have suddenly started to feel that my Subconscious might hate me. Well, not that there's anything I can really do for the "desires" it is communicating to me -- I guess it might be beautiful for one to live in a Freudian state-of-mind, giving in to ones raw desires without inhibition...

Then again, that is not how life goes. When it comes to human desires, we despair in knowing that we are at the mercy of the object of this desire, and therefore live in the consequences of our actions.

'Nuff blather.

I - "What are you doing here?"

I was going to work -- so creepy that it seemed so real -- and I went straight into my friends' precinct. I talked to one of my girl friends, R.M., for a bit, ignoring Puppy II who was sitting nearby, wearing an olive green hoodie and jeans.

I went to my station, about to start my shift. Looking up from my monitor, to the window at the wall at the back of my station (which does not exist in real life), something caught my attention -- a maintenance person shutting it bit by bit, blocking off my nephew and his grandmother, as they were waving from me.

I went towards that window, wanting to see my nephew, despite the maintenance guy shutting the window for "privacy" and all that ISO-ISMS stuff. My nephew managed to hand me a pink Motorola RAZR V3, saying that it resembles that of my Mom. They eventually left me to my work.

Back at my cubicle, I saw Puppy II sitting on my chair in a white collared t-shirt and jeans. I was surprised -- and not in a pleasant manner -- at his presence, and he looked & sounded a little "drunk." "What are are you doing here? How did you... you were..." I stammered, thinking that the only way he could've gotten there that "fast" was by doing a kage-bunshin. He didn't answer my question (or I just couldn't make out the short slur that came out of his mouth). He just stood up, leaned back on my desk and pulled me towards him, silently asking for a kiss, which I grudgingly returned. I wanted to pull out of the whole thing, but he just held me tighter, practically making out...

Breaking the kiss, "I missed you," he whispered, "you and..." he looked me up and down, as if looking through my clothes. I looked down, dejected, knowing it was all a dream...


II - The Silent Café

I was standing at a Parisian-type sidewalk, summertime, surrounded by a café's al fresco tables & chairs. I was looking at Puppy II's back. Even if people were bustling along, everything was silent, as there was nothing to be said.

Labels: café, embrace, kiss, office, phone, silence, whisper, xx